Hey, keep keep

Hey! Keep doing.

Because they do... They always try to be strong, to carry the burden, to try and try, and try again. To build and not to worry too much if it is being destroyed. Just... build it again. And they succeed, the same as little ants rebuild their anthill, the same as disabled person starts running again. Less regrets, more actual actions. Less waste of time and more inner strength. More will to learn and more will to adapt to the situation, more power to leave what was not worthy and more strength to start what might be the necessary.

I ask myself who are "they". "They" are people who have been around me. Some of them for whole 22 years, some of them just for couple of years or months. Some of them will be for few more, some of them are already gone. Anyhow, all of them taught me something - carry on.

Say "No", when it is necessary, relax when hard times are stressing. Read fairy tales even though nobody is listening. Live as you were in a fairy tale, even though you are not. Laugh from the things that are not funny, and do not get angry if someone is laughing at you. It will make you even funnier. Support and stand for the most beloved just to make them feel that they suppose to love themselves. Sacrifice small things for bigger and do not regret it. Find a goal and more important - keep the goal. Keep trying if you find it worth it. Stop trying if it is for the better. Think less and act more. Some of them taught me to forget the bad and work for the better. Some of them taught me not to complain. Some taught me to be aware. Some of them taught me that no matter what lesson others try to teach you, it's your turn to learn and your turn to make mistakes.

And I am doing that. Not even promising to do. I am doing. With small aches and blisters that I get on my way to my goals. I am still doing.

We are makers and we will be, unless you are smaller than an ant. 

With huge love and a huge to-do list,

Ugne

7 years

As my evening ends with open books, four cups of coffee and Sundanese music I notice that my shoe is missing one lace.

Accidentally. Accidentally I stumbled upon the sounds of warm rain and thin bamboo boats, the sound of 7 years ago and 7 years in the future.

Having in mind folk tales and mystery and magic of a number 7, everything seems to be small pieces of a big picture. Big jigsaw puzzle. And now I am just putting the boring part together. Putting sky in the mountainous landscape picture. All that does not really matter but at the same time makes it complete.

Hopefully, that missing shoe lace will not make a huge difference in this picture.

Karmic clearance / Puppy nod

Calm the F down!

Sunday +25C 12.24

Continuing the search the the inner peace and satisFactory. Maybe being hyped on a coffee is not that good as I could think, though my face is pretty, I have small list of things to do. If I had a dollar every time I get distracted, I would like to get some ice-cream. Searching for a room really brings me down and I am still waiting for my success wave, looking carefully that I wouldn't miss it. 

+25C

I don't know if you ever saw those small dog sculptures most of the time English bulldogs, where the puppy's head is attached to body with a flexible spiral and when the sculpture is moved by something puppy starts nodding or shaking it's head. It is hard to describe that feeling in some kind of words, thought it is pretty clear that this feeling doesn't bring anything good. Dependance doesn't bring anything good. Dependance on earthquakes or on road bumps. I am striving hard to rip those indecisive pieces of my body and leave them rot some where in the junk yard. 

I couldn't call Sunday's mood terrible, it's just imperfect, but hey, anything is perfect. If you have a room for me to crash from September to December I'll take it, now it even doesn't really matter where. Maybe matters a bit. Or just as much as my head being moved by some source of power. Puppy nod. 

Hank Schmidt

temperature 38 C

In a state where even the gravitation could be doubted and accepted as an exception. My nose leaking, eyes blurred out, lips dried, a thirst of warm communication is dehydrating, a gentle stroke through my hair is missing and words that would like to be said are stuck somewhere in the lung level. When the control is left behind and small wishes seem to be emphasized. All that dizziness and buzz of thoughts marching down the grey brain cells. Seeking for sadness and loneliness. Not for good and not for a fulfillment. Just because the common sense says that you have to hit the bottom to resist and raise is not a total truth. Just because the common sense says that you have to get your dose of attention everyday to be happy is not a total truth. Nor total nor truth do not exist. 

I should be happy for that

N/I/N

Nothing is nothing

 A face lost somewhere in big raincoat pockets full of keys, candies, breaking melodies and coins. Nothing really valuable. Nothing really important. Few more books in a library but nothing special in particular. Nothing more than a numb hand on which I've been sitting for a while. Nothing more than 136 pages that I've read today. Nothing more than 7 episodes watched. Nothing is nothing. And yes, never say never. I think I've finally got rested from being restless. Exact monotonous feeling as that rain in the mountains. And still can't stop enjoying it. Can't stop thinking that "this is it".  Little bit unsocial, but nothing is nothing. 136 pages. Or maybe more. Calming down. The same as the rain in the mountains. The same as the eyes closing. The same as finding keys or a spare coin in a big raincoat pockets. 

Nothing is nothing...

There there

Sun is up until 9 p.m. 

Already up at 7a.m. 

It is always fine to wake up and put a smile on first. The habit to tell everyone when happiness strikes is getting one in a trouble. Nobody wants to listen about other people happiness.

Wondering if people spend the same amount of time thinking of me as I spend thinking about them. Well, not everything is even. And that is O.K. by me.

There been loads of unfair things. Actually, all of them are fair, just they mismatch the measurement scale in our heads. That's why thoughts always mess up with reality. Reality never mess up with thoughts. Just thoughts with reality. It is like watching crimes on TV. After that you start thinking that your neighbor is a serial killer. But worse case scenario he is just some loner smoking pot in his bathroom, hiding from beloved, crazy wife. That's all. I like thinking about people. My reality is always messed up. My reality is always pimped up.

It's unhealthy. Or the other way.

Notes to myself: Sunday

It's going to be one long evening with Erykah and some coffee. Maybe my dear will teach me some responsibility and planning. Days come and go. On and on. And so far not a lot left out of those days. Today I've started painting. The God of Procrastination. Also started Einstein's biography and some letters. On and on. The first step is to relax. The second is to start. The third - plan before falling asleep. The forth - dream good things. The fifth - get up, when open your eyes, no more snoozing. That's all. On and on. Practice to remember all good advices. Practice to love with no reason. Practice to think bright. Practice to go straight forward. On and on. 

Over the time I'll learn. Wait and meet. Try and succeed.

Wake Up

Waking up in a day time. And waking up from laziness and hibernation. Waking up and ready to create stories.

a story for tomorrow. from gnarly bay productions, Inc. on Vimeo.

Sunday's warm up

Sundays apparently weren't chosen for a church day without a reason.

Sundays are built to rethink and recover. To get over the moral hangover and Friday's sins, or to understand that last week you actually didn't do anything beneficial. To count the days until something, to make a new work calendar and to write apology mails to relatives. To wash clothes and vacuum the floors. 

Sunday was chosen as a spirit's cleaning day.

Sunday was chosen.

Sunday.

Your souls is too cold and too dirty to be cleaned on one Sunday. 

I believe that hard work will bring you happiness. I believe that concentration is most valuable present person can get. I believe that we could judge the wealth by how much time you can be productive and active.

I think my soul is warming up.