Lacrimosa

Latin for 'weeping'

I've sent the frost and sun to wipe your yellow tears.
I've sent heavy steam disturbing your breath and bitting chill to make you understand how easy you can breathe during the other seasons.
I've sent you insanity to understand that life achievements are nothing if you don't know how to enjoy life failures.
I've sent you body illness to fill your psyche abyss.
You kept on crying and then I've sent you challenges that didn't leave you any time to shed a tear. I've been sending you gifts that you fought to accept. I've been sending you gifts that you thought were punishments.
I've sent you weeks of rain to flood your shallow soul. You kept on sobbing, surmising that at least you can hide your tears in the rain. Despite that you cried even more. People could not see you weeping. Rain washed your tears. You lost your daily attention.
I've sent you lonesomeness to understand that you are the best company for yourself.
I've sent you all this putting all my thoughts, prayers and heart into. Risking my kindness to be misinterpreted.

I don't want anything back except for you not to return into the misery you've escaped from. 

stop weeping. 

listen to me

Stimulation and Simulation

Controlled movements force the pressure towards body and cause a rapid vibration starting from capillaries to veins, from veins to arteries, from arteries to heart, from heart back again. Convulsively pushing and pulling, with the highest voltage included. Sinking in an unconsciousness, losing the basic control over the limbs and the mind. Disturbing the breathing routine and causing a sense of fainting. An instant flush of heat and energy rush. Blurring out. Fading away. Prolonging the moment with confirmation of I can I will. I want. I desire. I urge. I can. I will. I need. I lust. Basing on simple stories and creating more complex. Framing the situation in the cotton meaning frames and sending it to the transaction department. Flushing red, white and black colours down ones mind and gathering irrelevant idioms to determine the situation. Trying to find the most suitable name and keep it in a high level of interest. Simulate and Stimulate. Arouse a response. Arouse and keep it hot till the dinner. Turn on and off, and then turn on again. Brightness flashing in the speed of light. With two fingers on a switch and two in mouth. Electric shock and energy leak.

 

Sensitivity and Sun

Sensitivity and Sun.
Sensitivity and Sun.

Sensitivity and Sun.

  Circulating around and exercising body. Sensitivity and Sun. Stretching skin, kissing whispers of eyelashes, planting smile all over mysterious lands, singing in a romantic melody and whistling while I try to fall asleep. 

Sensitivity and Sun.

So much love to give, just come and ask for it.

Sensitivity and Sun.

I exhale those words as ocean exhales waves and splashes, as mountains exhale avalanches. 

Slowly spreading mist in your ear and getting lost in arms of forest and thoughts of fields.

Sensitivity and Sun.

Take me

Where you can be Sensitive and I can be Sunny

Awesome wave to Saturday's Britain

Hey Britain, I was thinking about you for quite a while. Tracking the force of a dull rain, counting your pavement tiles and touching skin of bottomless chests filled with husky accent.

I'm not a story teller. Not yet. It will take some time to put right words together and I can do that just if nobody is watching. I sleep like a rock, once I put my head on a pillow, think what have I done wrong and why I do not fix it, then fall asleep with deep deep dreams and dream that somebody sets oneself on fire. And it happens and happens again. And then I swim into the widths of lakes, naked and light tickles me from bellow.

Today is Saturday. Awesome wave of ∆ (Alt-J) is flowing through my headphones and bringing it's British indie rock to settle in my head. This quartet and their Awesome wave album, which was released last May had been announced the 7th best album of year 2012 in Guardian together with The XX and Tame Impala, other two bands that keep me going where I'm going. And it is not Downhill anymore.

Have a nice day my lovely Saturday birds. Fly, flow, continue being, happy or not just hang in there. It'll come. And dear Britain, I'll come to you. Maybe on some Saturday next month. 

Therefore remembering that I am still in Denmark and it is not that bad.

Kys og knus,

Ugne

7 years

As my evening ends with open books, four cups of coffee and Sundanese music I notice that my shoe is missing one lace.

Accidentally. Accidentally I stumbled upon the sounds of warm rain and thin bamboo boats, the sound of 7 years ago and 7 years in the future.

Having in mind folk tales and mystery and magic of a number 7, everything seems to be small pieces of a big picture. Big jigsaw puzzle. And now I am just putting the boring part together. Putting sky in the mountainous landscape picture. All that does not really matter but at the same time makes it complete.

Hopefully, that missing shoe lace will not make a huge difference in this picture.

B Aggressive B B Aggressive: Kenneth Cockwhore Mixtape

Yesterday's night left me bruised. I left other people bruised. Seems to be a fair trade situation or even so unfair that you can not do anything about it. Building my small smart plan very thoroughly. Here I have unfinished book of Haruki Murakami. Tonight The Wind-up Bird will be released for a night flight. Tomorrow, my searches will expand more. My aim is to distillate my mind, to distillate my emotions, to separate doubts and certitudes, to separate actions and distractions.

Yesterday's night was wonderful and I thank everybody connected to that night for it. Bruises at this point brings deliberate certainty about goals and aims. Certainty to act. This late evening I am listening Copenhagen based artist Kenneth Cockwhore mixtape called Afterhours Mixtape with it's sneaky, dark corners where tonight's nightmares are hiding. Deep and ease. Strip and tease. Finishing Haruki Murakami book, setting down the list of invisible goal groceries for tomorrow and going into sleep maze to get those nightmares out and leave 'em bruised up as well.

I am not giving up.

Karmic clearance / Puppy nod

Calm the F down!

Sunday +25C 12.24

Continuing the search the the inner peace and satisFactory. Maybe being hyped on a coffee is not that good as I could think, though my face is pretty, I have small list of things to do. If I had a dollar every time I get distracted, I would like to get some ice-cream. Searching for a room really brings me down and I am still waiting for my success wave, looking carefully that I wouldn't miss it. 

+25C

I don't know if you ever saw those small dog sculptures most of the time English bulldogs, where the puppy's head is attached to body with a flexible spiral and when the sculpture is moved by something puppy starts nodding or shaking it's head. It is hard to describe that feeling in some kind of words, thought it is pretty clear that this feeling doesn't bring anything good. Dependance doesn't bring anything good. Dependance on earthquakes or on road bumps. I am striving hard to rip those indecisive pieces of my body and leave them rot some where in the junk yard. 

I couldn't call Sunday's mood terrible, it's just imperfect, but hey, anything is perfect. If you have a room for me to crash from September to December I'll take it, now it even doesn't really matter where. Maybe matters a bit. Or just as much as my head being moved by some source of power. Puppy nod. 

Hank Schmidt

One foot outside

One of those moments when the blood is boiling making the snapping sound like you would pour water into the hot oil. One of those moments when the paint at home smells stronger than flowers. One of those moment when flowers fly straight to the bin. Time for something new.

So I enter the room and I say "I've been having some time to think. And I want to do something with that time. Instead of thinking". 

R. posted few minutes ago a pic with super formula, that everybody tries to explain but they go other way around. Motivating not showing facts. Formula is: "Talk - Action = Shit". 

Treat people like animals and they'll get it. You never say to a dog 'go bring me a newspaper and I'll give you a treat.' if it never did that before. you show it that. you give a treat. you train the dog. Train yourself. However after all is said and done more is said than done. 

Let's get active.

Notes to myself: Sunday

It's going to be one long evening with Erykah and some coffee. Maybe my dear will teach me some responsibility and planning. Days come and go. On and on. And so far not a lot left out of those days. Today I've started painting. The God of Procrastination. Also started Einstein's biography and some letters. On and on. The first step is to relax. The second is to start. The third - plan before falling asleep. The forth - dream good things. The fifth - get up, when open your eyes, no more snoozing. That's all. On and on. Practice to remember all good advices. Practice to love with no reason. Practice to think bright. Practice to go straight forward. On and on. 

Over the time I'll learn. Wait and meet. Try and succeed.

B!urocracy

Oh dear Lord, when did it happen? When did I grow up? 

Still have that teen disappointment though.. 

Stupid taxes, stupid schedules, stupid forms, stupid questionnaires.

 When I'm gonna have money I will buy a hula hoop. And only paper work I'll do will be cut outs, scrap books and origami.

I also have to play. 

Tension

Gonna shake that major tension and disappointment out! 

Bunch of crap just have to be solved, sorted out and applied to work for a long term. Lists of strategies, models, methods, solutions, frameworks. Emails, calenders, events. Problems, tasks, cases, exams. One after another. Tuesday became Monday. I've never hated Mondays but apparently if it's on Tuesday it is really bad. 

Holidays are over

Holidays are over and concentrated concentration collection has to take ahead. 5 songs for a good day when the laundry has to be done and when the carpets have to be vacuumed. 5 songs and 1 thought. well maybe few more. Life has been pretty unpredictable lately. I could say two weeks of empty-headed living, some peaks and some bottoms. With all the possible ambiguity that could ever happen. Childish actions. And at some point really childish consequences. And after that just a "fish day", which means that I'll be quiet. for today

S/S/S : systematically solving struggles

 If I could figure out. I would work it out.

I think, I'm on my way easily moving to different directions but keeping the moving idea on. 

The try not to stop and seek for the right solution is running in my blood lately. 

The weather is perfect, conditions are perfect, nothing good on TV, I don't even own one. The water is cold, keeps me awake, the company is serious, they spent more hours on studying than I did so I count them as a good influence. What else...

Conditions are perfect, beyond any doubt.

The most important thing on to-do list is DON'T STOP.

And on leisure time, remember "If you don't sin, Jesus died for nothing".

THE Explanation

Dramatic scenes caused by the human beings involved in the complicated actions of emotional euphoria raise during the period of fifth and sixth day of a week has to be explained in a greater detail to be not mistaken as a casual occurrence or a natural feature of a person.  To ensure the acquaintances and audience involved in the period of time of fifth and sixth day, that actions held during particular period was influenced by the stupidity and alcoholic beverages the explanation of a situation will be provided.

Extreme amount of drama that is collected and hosted in a storage room sometimes gives itself a right to appear in not exact appropriate moment and usually cause a slight change of consequences. Erotic dance moves on a steal surface of a student beer and saliva covered bar awoken by the primitive beat of a popular music might be perceived as an immature action or archaic seducing process. In these terms, alcohol, which is considered to be a fuel for the large quantity of stupidity and off-the-limit activities, could be stated as a reason for unsystematic. Stupidity has it's impact on a storage place where the hazard of drama is soiled. To keep the drama explosion neutralized new weapon of the ignorance was involved in a process. Unfortunately, this penetration of an ignorance was unsuccessful in a matter where unplanned mating actions took the lead.

Small injuries were healed by the blood of Christ and was mentioned in further days as well recognized as a symbol of approach of a foolishness during the fifth day of a week. The emotional load of love was inserted into skull via the hypnosis session held while person was unconscious due to the alcohol abuse. Repercussion of a session left an effect on a tested person and this particular person was considered to be delightful. For the record, person is still thankful for the supporters' installations of positive emotional input which is accompanied by the not defined feeling of a shame and a need to apologize spectators and participants of the drama controlling and stupidity release actions.

"Blame it on my libido" F.U.

Dull day, cozy music

Incredibly warm independent on the temperature outside spread by a project called Vilnius Temperature . In other words, Vlog brings the acoustic eargasm from different places of Vilnius, the capital of Lithuania ensuring that some musicians can sing. And they can!

The last video of Vilnius Temperature brought a extremely nostalgic moment to me. God I miss Lithuania!!! One of my fav bands Gus Gus was visiting LT and Vilnius Temperature got them to make a stand with their acoustic version of Within Me.Vilnius went global.

Shorter, piece of gold. Even though I'm working on my ignorance, I can not ignore the perfection of the Vilnius Temperature idea.

It was +4 there, in my dull place is +9.
 

Sunday's warm up

Sundays apparently weren't chosen for a church day without a reason.

Sundays are built to rethink and recover. To get over the moral hangover and Friday's sins, or to understand that last week you actually didn't do anything beneficial. To count the days until something, to make a new work calendar and to write apology mails to relatives. To wash clothes and vacuum the floors. 

Sunday was chosen as a spirit's cleaning day.

Sunday was chosen.

Sunday.

Your souls is too cold and too dirty to be cleaned on one Sunday. 

I believe that hard work will bring you happiness. I believe that concentration is most valuable present person can get. I believe that we could judge the wealth by how much time you can be productive and active.

I think my soul is warming up.

Don't fuck with me

When the morning song starts with lyrics "Don't fuck with me, don't fuck with me" and sharp teeth can bite any apple from the tree and not just that. When there is no need for an answer and there is no need for a question either. When all your day passes daydreaming and floods your mind with an intense anger puff followed by sensitive smile and carrying thoughts. When you decide, that no matter what will happen as long as everybody else feels happy. And then You smile.

How does person cope with his instability and insecurity?
I found the solution.
Mornings

Jody Barton

Mix of the day#5 sounds and colours

With stigmatic eye opening last week's occurrences pass slowly and quite drastically leaving me standing with not much of an explanation, nor support, nor preparation.
And well, I am letting suppressed breath in the depth of my lungs to escape making dull sound. Sound like the empty trunk would have a ghost inside, who would be fighting with the emergency kit or tire. Bitting, hitting, screaming in tears and then kissing after. Colouring inside and out kraplak-red.

Bleeping noise of things going on around me and... and nothing that would attract/distract my attention. Scaling the amount of thoughts that I've put in my small head and things that i rolled over my heart. They do not weight as much as the wind anymore and it's time to get rid of that unnecessary ballast.

This evening is all for Fink. Lush vocal of Fin Greenall, English musician, in his life music was natural thing while growing in his house. In my house art was natural. And even though I forgot arts and I forgot my skills, I forgot what feelings it caused, I forgot how often I used to cool down while reading biographies of artists, I still have oil-paint running my veins.

Fink - See It All (Emika remix)



Fink- Yesterday Was Hard On All Of Us

 Fink- All Cried Out




Anna Shelton photography











 

My Feist My Zen

Fighting my Chaos, making alliance with my Zen.
Listening to Feist. I will never get tired of her.  It all started long time ago. And every time I get into a fight with my heartfool Chaos, Feist and her moon and her man, becomes mine.

Assumptions sucks.

gently exploding inside

Feist- My Moon My Man (Boys Noize remix)

Memory Tapes

Haven't been that angry for ages!
And actually I am glad for that.

Things not working out as I was expecting. Challenge. One more stone hitting my back and landing on the ground making me step on it and to get out of that crappy hole I'm sitting in now.
My all beloved once are as cold as beer in Alaska and I don't like it at all.

My body and my brain divides itself in millions of strings which are tangled chaotically. And anywhere I go I'm tripping on these locks of lost flesh and soul.

However, being angry makes me do stuff. That's why I'm glad.

Here's Memory Tape - I Know
beautiful video, nice song


Memory Tapes "Yes I Know" from Najork on Vimeo.