there is no end if there was no beginning

How can you understand when you've never saw. How can you see when your eyes are closed. Eye lashes glued together and little voices tingling in your head tell you to be afraid. But never encourages you to think that you can't determine yourself as being brave if you've never been afraid. 

As I wake up and can't roll to any of the sides because of the stiff body that imprisons me by night. I get free.

As I wake up and can't get rid of the thought that I got rid of the thought that has been haunting me for a half a year.

As I am awake and sit there silent and smile to my cup of coffee. And then smile to my second cup of coffee.
As I am awake and understand that all that strong feeling that I was dropping on others heads finally dropped on the right one. Mine. 

As I am going to sleep I recall that golden lining of a heavy Danish cloud hanging above the library for the past few hours.

I say words too fast. I let them go. Then I lose something. I let them go. Then I create something. I give away. I let them go.

You know, so many words for nothing. So many things that I care about, and not so sure if that many things care about me. I bet you felt like it. Difference is - I am not grumpy, I am not bitter, I am awake even when I sleep. And I am here for you. If you have a need.

Building myself as a green hedge, cutting bad thoughts off, putting some proper conversation fertilizers, trimming melancholy and shaping ideology. 

there is no end if there was no beginning

Politics messed up my head

Politics messed up my head. Three hours of reading articles on liberal, social democratic, conservative and etc parties just messed up my head. Not that it was ok before, but now it is even worse. And all that just because there is a feeling in me that "yay, we can change all that crap!". So yeah, maybe we can, maybe we can not, giving a try is not the worst thing to do as I noticed recently. Everything is worth a shot, and I give those shots from time to time. So far with minor pains and urges I survived and by this moment I am pretty happy. I don't know why, maybe because everything is changing, maybe because short and negative truth is better than long and unclear uncertainty. Maybe because everything is worth a shot. All those stupid actions I made, or all those silly words I said. Some of it truth, some of it not. But worth a shot. Till a certain zone.

All those politics messed up my head and I hope one day this mess will be cleared out and dots will be put on "i". And this time we will raise our glasses for a better future. Or we will be at least on our way to the better future. And then you'll say thanks to me because I got messed up by politics now.

I drink my tea with milk and I brush my hair 100 times every evening. 

B!urocracy

Oh dear Lord, when did it happen? When did I grow up? 

Still have that teen disappointment though.. 

Stupid taxes, stupid schedules, stupid forms, stupid questionnaires.

 When I'm gonna have money I will buy a hula hoop. And only paper work I'll do will be cut outs, scrap books and origami.

I also have to play.