Stimulation and Simulation

Controlled movements force the pressure towards body and cause a rapid vibration starting from capillaries to veins, from veins to arteries, from arteries to heart, from heart back again. Convulsively pushing and pulling, with the highest voltage included. Sinking in an unconsciousness, losing the basic control over the limbs and the mind. Disturbing the breathing routine and causing a sense of fainting. An instant flush of heat and energy rush. Blurring out. Fading away. Prolonging the moment with confirmation of I can I will. I want. I desire. I urge. I can. I will. I need. I lust. Basing on simple stories and creating more complex. Framing the situation in the cotton meaning frames and sending it to the transaction department. Flushing red, white and black colours down ones mind and gathering irrelevant idioms to determine the situation. Trying to find the most suitable name and keep it in a high level of interest. Simulate and Stimulate. Arouse a response. Arouse and keep it hot till the dinner. Turn on and off, and then turn on again. Brightness flashing in the speed of light. With two fingers on a switch and two in mouth. Electric shock and energy leak.

 

walk

I've started walking with no actual reason or destination. It's been going on for a while. I've been going for a while. Trees, remarkable stones, rocks, forests just passed by and I was feeling that I can walk through any kind of surface, any kind of emotion, any kind of environment. That was partially true. Tripping on harder rocks and slipping on rotten wood pieces I kept on walking, sometimes against the wind, sometimes with the wind. I kept going. I knew that coming back would be hard and I've never liked coming back and disturbing the peace that settles down like a layer of dust after one leaves. I knew that even if I would be kicked out I had to go that direction the foot directed me. I had to continue and then just follow marks on the ground. Bread crumbs, white stones, blood spots. It doesn't really matter. I knew that if I walked to the end of the world all I have to do is to keep walking. I knew.

Usually, emotions betray really quick, and they still do. With tears in my eyes I kept on walking. Kept on biting my lip and humming Fisherman's Wife song. Where I pretend to be a good fisherman's women, working hard everyday, my hands cracked from the cold and salt, and in the night when I go to bed, I try to fall asleep listening to the boat breathing. At these moments my face beams with blissful solitude. I don't have to wait. That's my way and I keep on going.