wait for fate

This time I couldn't wait for a blog day and actually wrote down all the following thoughts already on Tuesday. Paradox, but it is about waiting.

 Anticipation and type of arousing feeling were tickling me from inside and I just couldn't resist thinking, scribbling or doodling. Imagination does not work the way you want when you are imprisoned by waiting. It gives you all wrong thoughts, and even when it gives you right thoughts it is not actually a good time or right place.

Two calenders hanging on my wall above the bed hadn't been touched for two or more weeks. I'm not able to cross out any more days. If there is antonym for waiting I am doing that. I know that not a lot of days left until my hard work or "hard work" has to be presented and I am avoiding that talk as much as I can. Fully developed ignorance is keeping me alive. On the development way concentration is slightly kicking my ass to cross out things from to-do list. Yellow post-its hanging in all the rooms resembles bread crumbs like in John and Gretel fairy-tale. Just this time I am lost in academic forest. And it is darker than Schwartzwald woods.

Waiting is nothing pleasuring here. Other hand, I still have the arousing feeling in my guts. Waiting is like long way out of hedge maze. You are totally annoyed that you have to go somewhere with no idea how long you going to have to wander but at the same point your imagination creates cardinally different images of what is waiting for you in the end. And usually the exit of a maze appears to be so close, but so far. And when you reach it it is totally unexpected or not- you can see that you are getting closer and your pupils are spreading and getting bigger because or sun ray, your hands are opening and you are trying to reach that freedom, which is in the other side of the hedges. Then when you get outside you inhale as much as you can, that your head is spinning because of fresh air. And waiting is over. Relieved.

In other situation when waiting ends up to be the best part, when you imagined way too good exit to the freedom, or it appears that freedom is just a start of new problems, it is better go back to maze? No, not really. The new world that you just got into will provide you new waiting objects. And maybe one day it will be worth waiting.

The essence is not in waiting but in the way you go while waiting.

“We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” J.Campbell

Oh, you must have been waiting for the end of this blog too. It's coming... So, guys and gals, keep on waiting, keep on moving to your direction. I believe that all of you in the end going to get what you want. And if you don't it's not the end yet. 

With lost in maze love,
still-waiting-Ugne